Before you begin reading this, I highly recommend you take a look at this TED Talk called “Conflict is a Place of Possibility”

No one likes losing characters (unless you are me and I tend to have at least one revolving concept pc). No one likes losing PCs to another PC. This is called “Player versus Player” or “PVP” or in newer more PC terms, “Character vs. Character”. This is something that exists in any game where two people are involved in efforts against each other in ways ranging from civil to all out war. We see this in board games (Monopoly, Hungry Hungry Hippo) to movies (Avengers Civil War) to role-playing.

In my group, there tends to be a lot of people who cry that CVC is bad, it ruins the game amd alienates people. They claim it creates a toxic behavior. I want to show you how CVC can be healthy.

1. CVC encourages people to know the rules and know what they are playing. Knowing the rules means you can show your a ability to hold your own.

2. It creates a culture of cooperation and planning. It is not easy planning a CVC event. It takes time, knowledge and trust.

3. It creates a trust. Sure, counterboxes happen, but being able to create a squad of solid people you can trust and work with is an essential team building exercise.

4. It teaches sportsmanship. It should. People shake hands or pat each other on the shoulder in sports games. We should be able to apply the principles of a losing sports team that gets paid to lose to our own unpaid volunteer experience- you lose the game, you congratulate the victors, wave to your fans, kiss babies and sulk off screen.

5. CVC creates the ability to succeed at conflict negotiation. Business Management majors take note! This is important to understand mediation, negotiation and how to deal with external conflict in positive manners.

6. CVC teaches people how to give and take feedback. Even if this is internal, the ability to accept changes, suggestions and tactics is important.

7. CVC teaches tactics. Tactics requires more than planning, its detail management. It teaches people to never have just one solution, and that all great plans have snags.

The detail is in the lesson. You can choose to take these lessons to heart or you can choose to reject them.  Losing isn’t always a bad thing – it’s about how you react afterwards that makes or breaks you as a person.  Winning isn’t always winning either – just because you were able to successfully eliminate your opponent doesn’t mean you have won the game.  Much like life, it’s all about the game and how you play it.  If you always won, you would never understand what it means to lose.  Losing gives you an opportunity to see where you went wrong and course correct (in a perfect world).

Alternatively, you can just decide you are as cool as DJ Khalid and “All I do is Win, Win Win” and never understand that a game is a cooperative event in a shared world.  Those who choose to ignore that do so at their own peril.  There’s a special one-man game waiting for you, and it’s not Mario.  It’s called masturbation.

[Personal, Gaming] So I came across an article in a blog that is in the same org that I am in called Nerdball. I read it, hoping to gain some insight into the disparities that I tend to see in the gaming institutions I am part of.

I actually ended up more disappointed than fulfilled. The author is a good writer, but there is a lot of bitterness and hurt in that article. If I were a psychologist who focused on understanding gamerism and real life and the thin boundaries between them, I would probably have a field day.

Fortunately, my degrees aren’t in anything as cool. So I get to break it down more like a normal, mundane person. Go me.

I am going to be as general as possible, because these are my opinions on my facebook – I am not going to label any sort of organization, because that’s not the purpose.

First, let me start with a small story. Once upon a time there was a group of players who just liked to play together. They were good at gaming, knew the rules and knew how to relate to others and be both charismatic and intimidating at the same time. Now, I knew this group pretty well, they were fun, they worked hard, they were involved.

It came to pass that people didn’t like the fact this group was good at what they did, and that people liked them. They were popular and enjoyed the social benefits that gave them.

People started to cry out how bad this group was, how they were always together. No one ever asked about the backstabbing politics behind the scenes, or the fact that at least two of them were going to kill off each other’s PC at first oportunity. They just cared that to THEM, to THEIR perceptions, they were unbreakable.

So these people set out to break up the group. They couldn’t do it IC, so they resorted to underhanded tactics, rumors, lies and vaguebooking, even blogging. It was hurtful to see people I called friends have to go throught his. Piece by piece and little by little the group fell apart -not because of IC things, but because the OOC hurt was too much. No one wanted to be subjected to that – especially not when some people weren’t exactly vague in their targets.

Bit by bit, piece by piece they fell, until there was nothng left…and those who did this, who relentlessly pursued them, harassed them, and painted them as terrible people – they celebrated their victory. They had the rid their fantasy land of the dark, evil overlords of popularity and unity

It’s something I am going to call “Nerd Darts” – because it’s what happens when people throw darts into a random crowd in hopes of hitting just enough people to bring down any monolith. Sadly, Nerd Darts aren’t done with characters or sheets – they are done with hurtful words and questionable accusations. It’s a terrible event because as much as people who hate nerdball say those that play it want to win, the nerd dart people are just as bad – sometimes even worse, because they rarely care that there is going to be collateral damage They just want to win in their own way, and pat themselves on the shoulders and congratulate themselves for removing toxicity…

Nevermind the mirror they refuse to look in because they can’t see the same toxicity that is eating them away.

The moral of this story?
Think about your actions Be human. Stop playing Nerd Darts because you feel you have to get rid of “Nerdball” – it doesn’t make you awesome, it just makes you just as bad.

To semi-quote my favorite Disney Movie – “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who’s the fairest one of all? The fairest one you may be, but the poison of your apple you bear is nothing compared to your toxicity.”

We have all seen it – those people who do nothing but complain and file complaints, or the people who to your face say you are amazing, but the second you turn your back, they are off running to their friends who like to talk about what a terrible person you are.  You know those types right?  The ones who make sure what is said gets back to you?   It’s like this:

Contrary to Mean Girls however, the toxic people havec no specific gender or sex or persuasion.  They can be anyone.  They generally are carrying torches for some cause, or are just disgruntled over something they feel is out of their control.  Their burn book is social media and they make it a point to be pretty much just terrible people to those who oppose them or who they view as opposition.

So why does this happen? What changes someone from being nice to toxic?  Sometimes it’s something personal.  Someone did something to you or people who are your friends and now you are the one who volunteers as tribute.  A word of advise for our future Katniss’s – be careful of the bridges you burn.  They rarely are able to be repaired in such a way that they are transversable without a lot of assistance.

It could be that you observe what to you is some sort of failing or unfairness, and instead of asking questions, you simply decide to rail against the system like a bird hitting a window until it either learns better or dies a tragic death.  These are our Elsa’s of the world – people who need to learn to let it go or move on.

Seriously people, just let it go.  The drama isn’t worth it.  The people you will alienate are not worth hurting.  You want to enact change?  Be the change you want to see, or sit back and enjoy the ride.

This is a topic you will likely see me revisit a few times as its one that is close to my heart. I believe that toxic people are like bad weeds in a garden.  Root them out, before they rot those around them, or kill it wth fire.

~Nycci Daniels9/8/2018

Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com

 

Welcome to my Blog.  Unlike what the title says, this isn’t just a blog about girls in gaming.  It’s an insight into the industry and the hobby as a whole.  Sometimes you will see posts about online gaming, Live Action, Table Top, etc.  I welcome feedback and new subscribers.  If you are a hater and you can engage in constructive debate, you are welcome here.  Toxic individuals will be removed in a violent click of the “delete” button.